Brad Wiegmann is a national security lawyer for the Department of Justice in Washington.
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Q: So Brad, how would you describe today's puzzle?
A: It's just very unfortunate.
Q: I know, right? I was so disappointed not to get my regular awesome themeless Friday today. Do you have any comment for people like me who are feeling a little let down or even annoyed by your work?
A: I dunno ... tough luck?
Q: And then there's the "rorqual" issue. C'mon — who's ever heard of a rorqual? Some kind of obscure whale?
A: Yeah. Didn't you ever tell rorqual jokes when you were a kid?
Q: What?
A: You know, like, "did you hear about the guy who hired a rorqual as his mechanic?"
Q: No.
A: His car was a whale-oiled machine.
Q: No. Just no.
A: Or the rorqual who had a lot of hopes and dreams? . . . He was a wishing whale.
Q: OK. That's a wrap.
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Q: So Brad, tell me, is this puzzle autobiographical in any way?
A: Do you mean, like, did I ever do jello shots on Marine One with Katie Couric and Orson Bean? No, but it sounds like fun.
Q: No, I mean the whole dating thing. I'm assuming, just based on your personality, you've been in a lot of failed relationships.
A: I wouldn't say a lot. I did date a ski racer briefly, but she went downhill fast. Then there was this cute limbo dancer. I really liked her.
Q: What happened there?
A: She went belly up.
Q: Kind of like your puzzle. A flop.
A: Art imitates life I guess. Or is it life imitates art? I forget.
Q: Honestly, I really wish you'd do something more creative with your puzzles, like the Times usually does. Shakespeare quotes that contain anagrams of breakfast cereals, a connect-the-dots picture of Gandhi — anything? C'mon man.
A: Well, I did have "PEP" in this one. Upper right corner. It's a palindrome — the same spelled forwards AND backwards. Pretty cool.
Q: And you have "KETONE" at 42 across. What the heck is that?
A: Not sure. But it did fit quite nicely there.
Q: [Sigh]
A: What about you — how's your love life going?
Q: If you must know, I had been dating this Marxist professor. Kind, intelligent, funny — and totally hot. But I just broke up with him.
A: Why?
Q: He just wasn't right.
A: Maybe it's for the best.
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Q: So Brad, tell us about your latest puzzle. Why the childbirth theme?
A: Well, I just love babies. They're such great people — so down-to-earth and thoughtful. So I figured, why not a puzzle honoring all the infants out there who work so selflessly to enrich their parents' lives.
Q: But isn't this a Mother's Day puzzle?
A: I guess you could see it that way, since the Times changed the title from "Labor Day Concert" to "Mother's Day Concert." And that's fine. But to me, I believe the children are our future, as Whitney Houston taught us.
Q: You dedicated the puzzle to your mom though.
A: Yes, I did. Hi Mom! If you're reading this, you still owe me fifty bucks.
Q: Let's shift gears. How did you pick the songs for this puzzle?
A: That was tough. There are so many great songs about childbirth. "Stand and Deliver" by Adam Ant. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot. And more recently, "Despacito," which I understand means "obstetrician" in Spanish.
Q: Any regrets about doing a crossword that makes light of the hardships of pregnancy and labor?
A: There is one song/clue I kind of regret not including: "Greeting to expectant Mom who just bought some new maternity clothes? [Peggy Lee 1966]"
Q: I'm afraid to ask. . . . OK, what's the answer?
A: "Hey Big Spender."
Q: I think it's best you left that one out.
Thanks to Carol and Theresa, my favorite moms!
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Q: So Brad, tell me, how long have you been obsessed with nudity?
A: Thanks for that question. I'm actually more prude than nudist. I keep my clothes on at all times. Even in the shower.
Q: Interesting. So why the puzzle au naturel then?
A: It was an act of desperation. I wasn't having much luck getting published. After a bazillion submissions, I thought: so many great artists throughout history featured naked people in their work. If Michelangelo could get the Sistine Chapel gig by painting a lot of nudes, maybe I could do the same in the New York Times crossword. It worked!
Q: With all due respect, Brad, you're no Michelangelo. Your naked jokes are lame, and your fill isn't colorful.
A: Well, I do have RAINBOW at 51-Down. So there's that.
Q: The one thing I loved about your puzzle was the title: "Crossword Buff." Clever!
A: Yeah, that was from the Times' staff. My original title was "Altogether Now."
Q: I don't get it.
A: Exactly.
Q: I have to be honest. The contrast between your puzzle and the amazing stuff the Times usually publishes is pretty stark.
A: Oh, I get it — stark! Like stark naked. Good one! You mean my puzzle is em-bare-ass-ing?
Q: Awful. This interview's over.
A: Why? You gotta take off? Get it? Take off?
Q: [Sigh]
Thanks to Kim and Steve for doing my puzzles!